


Corrupted Interface

by thisiswherethefishlives



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 07:05:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2572541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisiswherethefishlives/pseuds/thisiswherethefishlives
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What it comes down to, at the very heart of it all, is that Fitz is a hostage within himself. Stuck in a body that doesn’t feel like home, in a mind that once sparked from one idea cleanly to another. Now it’s less high functioning machine and more like a maze ripped from M.C. Escher’s sketchbook - full of dead-ends and confusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Corrupted Interface

What it comes down to, at the very heart of it all, is that Fitz is a hostage within himself. Stuck in a body that doesn’t feel like home, in a mind that once sparked from one idea cleanly to another. Now it’s less high functioning machine and more like a maze ripped from M.C. Escher’s sketchbook - full of dead-ends and confusion.

Everything has changed. No longer part of a team, a duo - no longer one half of “Fitzsimmons.” Jemma can no longer finish his sentences without a second thought, and every moment that she stands there with her sad smile and hopeful eyes feels like yet another stab to the heart. It’s not the same, and it will never be the same again.

Looking down at the tablet in his hands, navigating it laboriously, Fitz can’t help but think back on every difference. Every painful moment, every struggle, every challenge. It’s so easy to see the fractures and weaknesses that have come to replace everything that used to be associated with… well, with him. Intelligence. Tenacity. Bravery. Snarky retorts. All of it gone. Wiped from the system leaving only an empty, cracked chassis to work with. Surely nothing worth keeping or investing in further. 

And yet. Here he is.

It’s something of a mystery that Fitz can’t quite parse out, why he’s been allowed to wake up each morning as part of the S.H.I.E.L.D. team, how he’s been encouraged to come to work each day… as much as you can call wasting time and resources working. Obviously, what with S.H.I.E.L.D.’s dwindling numbers in the face of Hydra, they can’t afford to lose a single person… It just still surprises him that he’s here.

With a shake of the head to re-focus on the task at hand, Fitz takes a deep breath and struggles yet again with the tablet - fumbling, shaking fingers clumsy against the sleek interface. This would have been the work of seconds before - it would have been so simple. Sighing, he lets go of the tablet so that it clatters loudly to the counter.

"Feeling sorry for yourself again?"

Fitz can’t help but startle at Mack’s voice, seemingly coming out of nowhere as the mechanic settles comfortably at his side. The warm press of Mack’s body against his own roots him to the moment and helps him to focus enough to display an incredibly over-the-top eye roll. 

"My fingers can’t…," he starts, "they can’t… look!"

He can’t help the rising volume each time he stumbles over his words, choosing to focus instead on trying once again to get his fingers to cooperate with the tablet.

"Seems to me that you need to take a deep breath," Mack begins, "don’t worry if you’re not as fast with your hands as you used to be. The information’s still there, it’s just a matter of taking your time and adapting."

Fitz can’t help but feel his ire rise at Mack’s words.

"It doesn’t matter that the information’s still there, damn it, not if I can’t access it. Not when I’m so much less - when I’m broken. When I’m -"

Mack’s hands snap up to take hold of Fitz’s wrists. He hadn’t realized that he was waving them around, but he had almost smacked the taller man clear across his face.

"Listen to me, because I need you to hear me. You’re not broken, Fitz. You’re hurt, and you may feel alone, but you’re not. You’re still brilliant, and loyal, and you make me laugh harder than I have in a long time. You’re a good friend. You mean something to this team."

Mack reaches out and Fitz can’t help but flinch as the other man wipes an errant tear from his face. 

"C’mon, Turbo. You have to know that you mean something to me. I didn’t know you before, and I’m not the Simmons to your Fitz, but I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s like this tablet. You’re still you - maybe you’ve changed, but that’s a part of life. Everything that truly makes you you is still there. You just have to find new ways to interact with the interface.”

Sighing, Fitz can feel the indignation melt out of him in the face of Mack’s words. Wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist and resting his head against the rather firm chest, he can’t help but feel safe.

"I wish I was better," he whispers as the taller man presses a firm kiss to the top of his head.

"Ain’t no such thing, but I’m with you. I’m not going anywhere.

It’s been awhile since Fitz let himself believe in anything, since he last allowed himself to hope. The lives that they lead are dangerous, vulnerable, prone to change. Not even Jemma, the most consistent point of reference he has ever known… even Jemma is lost to him.

What it comes down to, at the heart of it all, is that it’s been awhile since Fitz has let himself believe in anything, but he can’t help himself when it comes to believing in Mack.


End file.
